Kiki <3

This summer had its ups and downs, but thanks for sharing it with me. Let’s make it to 2010 now!

Music: Trouble by: Nevershoutnever!

Mood: Recovering and trying to keep the pieces together.

Hey guys. So if you read the post below this one, you have more than likely gathered that my father Timothy has passed away from Landerhans’ Cell Histiocytosis, a type of cancer, that weakened his immune system. Then he caught pneumonia on his 50th birthday and passed away about 4 days  later on Friday August 14th, 2009. He will be greatly missed as a simply amazing father, brother, son and friend. The Funeral Service is this coming Saturday, so I’m trying to figure out how I’m going to survive that. I haven’t been bawling my eyes out like everyone expects me to, but I am lucky enough to have such wonderful friends that I can call and bawl into their ear for 56 minutes and 11 seconds (Sorry!), so I do not upset my mom, aunt or little brother. If one person starts crying in the house, it is like the  Domino effect. I hold off crying until nighttime mainly, because I was raised not to cry in front of others, not even my family. So I cry in my room, or to my friends. Besides Thursday (the day we were told he most likely wouldn’t make it any longer) where I locked myself in my room and cried until 2 AM the next morning– an hour before my father died.

It’s still very hard to come to grips with what his passing means, but one of my big pains is what all he will miss in my life: My 16th birthday, my high-school graduation, and especially walking me down the aisle at my wedding. We’re taking each day slowly and we are just going one day at a time. Sometimes it takes a tragedy to realize how amazing your support system is, and I have discovered how truly fortunate I am to have so many wonderful friends, and how lucky my dad was to know and be loved by everyone that he met, and even hundreds of others whom he never met, but touched with his smile and personality. If I have learned anything from all of this, I have learned to cherish every moment, every life and each opportunity that presents itself. I have some regrets, such as not being the perfect daughter to him, but I know my father does not want me to beat myself up over this. So now, I want to make my father proud. He can see everything I do, and I will show him everything I can do, and I will make the most of my life. And I also want to take more of a part in the cancer walks and cancer donation things that occur throughout the year.

It’s also very hard to keep my faith in God, but I think that if I gave up on one of my biggest beliefs because of this, I would feel even more lost than I am currently. And, to me, God has a path that is set for me, and he knows that I will benefit from all of this, and grow stronger. I don’t exactly know what his plan is for me, but all I can do now is trust him, and I will just keep my chin up, and rely on my friends to catch me when I fall.

So now that I really explained what I’ve been feeling, I’m sort of getting back into a schedule. I’m staying up late, waking late, and eating less, though that seems to be sort of a summer/teen thing. I have been… less than hungry as of late. I am being pressured to eat at every mealtime though. We have actually watched a movie everyday since Thursday. It’s quite nice and it’s nice to get my mind off of it all for the most part. There isn’t too much to tell you about daily life. All of our family and a few of our close friends are over daily, and we talk about things, such as Christmas, which is bound to be the hardest thing to overcome. We have also been getting lots of food, bouquets and cards. The Baldwin Stocker PTA also brings over dinner each night, which is easier on my mom, because then she has one less thing to worry about.

Tomorrow we’re going dress shopping for a funeral dress, and I’m just going to be thankful to get out of the house. I was talking to one of my cousins today and she said that she’d rather be with family right now. When I think about it, I want to be there for my family, but right now, I’d much rather have my friends around me, which is why I invited a handful of my friends to the funeral on Saturday.

So I am progressing the days with heavy sighs and loads of hugs. But I will live, and I will not ruin myself.

Random Fact Of The Day: Killer whales, aka Orcas, are actually dolphins.

Quote Of The Day: True learning is not about facts, but about conscious appreciation of the experience of living. (Actually, this was the quote of the day that I am emailed on the day my dad passed. o.o)

Word(s) Of The Day: Time. Love. Hugs.

Kiki<3

http://www.pdga.com/farewell-tim

http://www.innovadiscs.com/tim.html

This is such a hard time that I think I will age too much from this… He always did say I was middle-aged.

Love is something that transcends time, reality and life. Love never ends; It is simply reborn.  I love you Daddy! I always have and I always will. I can never forget you.

Kiki<3

Date: Wednesday, August 12th, 2009 (Well, it was a few minutes ago.. )

Music: I Gotta Feeling by: Black Eyed Peas

Mood: Happy. (Hehehe Mrs. Darcy! xDD)

Alright, well I will apologize for not posting this.. yesterday, I suppose. But I must warn you that I watched Pride & Prejudice today with the girls, so everything I type is thought of in the utmost British, formal accent. So please pardon some of the fun words that I use.

Today was extremely entertaining, besides the fact that my mom pestered me to exhaustion by chiding me whenever I was so unfortunate as to be stuck in the same vicinity as her. But thankfully Emily arrived early. (Actually, she arrived a bit more than 4 hours prior to the expected arrival time.. x] ) We watched the Teen Choice Awards that I had recorded on the tele (hehehe)!

Today was simply… delightful! =D We had hordes of junk food, a good movie, some night swimming (a volleyball & a hyper fish-dog as well!) and a bunch of friends! It was perfect. Y’know, besides the whole dad-in-the-hospital thing. -_-;;

A vague list of our junk food:

-brownie bits

-brownie pie <3

- cakeeeee

-cookies (M&M ones + Ginger Crackle cookies)

- PIZZA! (Boxes and boxes of pizza!)

- Quepapas (from Pizza Hut.. like potato poppers w/ jalepeno…. YUM[: )

-SODAAA

-Arizona tea

-What else...? Who knows, but we were all mentally insane

So it was super fun and totally worth my mom getting a tad bit angry. :/ Also, it's amazing how I don't talk to people like Jasmine for years, and then I talk to her at a get-together and we talk for almost the entire party! =] She’s such a sweetie! All the girls who came tonight are completely lovable [[(though, Emily isn't family friendly... and I doubt Katie is safe around glass... Oh! And no giving Danielle coke... o.o) <-- inside jokes... my apologies.]] and I’m so relieved taht they came. I was able to talk to two of them about some of the things that have been stressing me out and making me feel absolutely horrific. Now I feel so much better that I think I’ll be able to handle talking to my mom sometime soon. I told myself and 2 of my friends that if my mom got mad at me again, I would stop swallowing my words towards her and tell her what I feel/think. Hopefully it goes better than I imagine it will.

So, I bid you  all goodnight, and I hope you all have a great night!

Random Fact Of The Day: In Pride & Prejudice (2005 edition) Mr. Darcy=Snape, Elizabeth= Pirate Girl, Jane= Blondie, Mr. Bingley= Ron (who else was there?) Oh! Mr. Bennet= The Predator, Mr. Collins= A Mole Rat. :3

Quote Of The Day: “Ok, Em, this is the dog crack (Charlie Bear training treats). Ginger is addicted to it, she can’t focus when she smells the treats, she can;t get enough of it, and she will do practically anything for one of these treats. Sounds like a drug for dogs, huh?” Emily reaches for the “doggie drugs” in my hand, “EMILY!” Her: “What? I wasn’t really going to eat it!” (I stare at her.) “Ok, fine, maybe I was.” xD

Words Of The Day: Poppycock & nonsensical (I’m sure they are more fun words in Pride & Prejudice, but these are the 2 that I remember most).

Kiki <3

Music: Baby It’s Fact by Hellogoodbye

Mood: Look at the title.

I hate my parents, I hate my house– screw it, the only thing I don’t hate right now are my friends.

My dad has been refusing to eat, drink and walk around, like the doctor ordered him to do, so now he got sick. And he’s in the hospital since this morning. Which normally, I would be worried. But right now I don’t effing care. He got himself sick by pitying himself in a total selfish act, and now not only is everyone in our family affected by this, but my party for tomorrow was cancelled. The ONE thing that I have been looking forward to, the thing that kept me from falling apart at home and just running away. And now, it’s cancelled. My friends are currently the only thing that isn’t freaking screwed up in my life, and now I can’t even go see them all because of my dad! WTF?!?!? I tried to negotiate with my mom, but Noooo, she decides that sitting in my dad’s hospital room for hours on end, when all he does is sleep under professional surveillance  takes preference over staying at the house for 3 hours while we swim, then she could go back, since my grandma is here. Excuse me for being extremely angry at my parents for screwing up my life more than they already had! And yeah, we could go bowling or something, right? Wrong! My mom said that I just have to stay home while she sits there and does nothing useful, when she needs to be working because without my dad working, money is tight. And so when it comes time for my birthday, she already said that I’m getting nothing. Of course, my brothers get gifts. my older brother’s birthday is more than a month after mine, so she said that it won’t matter then, so he can gets gifts. WTF!? My life is so screwed up right now that I just don’t even want to deal with anything anymore. I want to just go crawl up in a corner and sob myself into a permanent sleep. My parents are worse people than even the brattiest child! The suck at caring, at not picking a favorite child and being parents in general. This is the 3rd party that I’ve had to call off because my dad was such an ass that he can’t even walk around and drink a freaking glass of water everyday because he is so freaking self-absorbed! God, just kill me now. It’ll be better than going through all this crap.

Sorry about the cussing guys, but right now… I just don’t care.

Music: See You In The Dark by: Honor Society

Mood: Bouncy! (Literally.. I’m bouncing up and down on my bed)

Hey there guys! How was your Monday? Mine was… eh. It started out badly. My mom got angry at me the second I walked into the kitchen and then I started feeling bad so I wasn’t hungry until dinner time (Yes, I ate one meal today and had one glass of water today). But the day slowly got better and I was able to just relax until we went to Old Town Pasadena. I seriously need to go there sometime and just take pictures like a tourist. It’s so gorgeous there! That definitely made my day better, and now I can use my laptop again, since I couldn’t use it before because the charger broke. But now I have a new one that work really well! So I’m happy about that! 

Then we went to dinner at BJ’s with our family and some friends for my dad’s 50th birthday. Then we came home, opened presents and had ice cream and pie! Yuum! 

So now I’m sitting on my bed, listening to Honor Society (thank you, Lexy!) and talking with people on Facebook! Fun! Hope y’all had a fun day!

Random Fact Of The Day: This is how Amber summarized Princess Mononoke (a Miyazaki movie) : “this prince kills a jimungous wild boar but his arm gets slashed and it turned out to be a deadly curse and he tries to cure himself.”  x]

Quote Of The Day: “My bangs are all…flapper.” ~ Me :3

Word Of The Day: Flapper- adj. When something spreads out like flippers, yet looks elegant and nice.  [FYI, I just made that up now. When I said it earlier, it was just my word to describe it.]

Kiki<3

P.s. What did you guys think of the last 2 chapters that I posted of Maine Melody? Comment, Comment and Rate with the stars at the top!

Music: The TV in the Exercise Room

Mood: TIREDDDD, but happy.

SOOO! I officially have over 200 comments! (I have 201!)  I’m super excited about that and that I finished Memoirs of a Geisha!

Today, Thea and I hung out together for most of the day.. When she came over, we sat and talked for about 2 hours, then we decided to play Monopoly, and we ended up playing for a few hours (I WON! Sorta…) and then we left for the mall around 3:45 to go to the movie 500 Days Of Summer. (The girl’s name is Summer, so it’s pretty cute.) We finished that, then we walked around the mall for a few hours, messed around, stalked a few people and had a great time! We went into Borders, and then we found this REALLY BIG BOOK for only $10! So we were kind of hyper when we decided to buy it, and the guy at the counter looked at us sort of weird, maybe because we were cracking up because of it…. But then when I got home, my mom got mad at me for wasting the money, though I was planning on using it as a gag gift for Christmas… but it made me… sort of depressed I’m not exactly sure why, but oh well.. I also have to earn back a bunch of money. D: Joy.

Tomorrow is my dad’s birthday, which means lots of cleaning and fixing up tomorrow around the house, on feet full of blisters! Oh this will be fun… But hopefully I’ll be ok!

So I’m tired and I have a bunch of reading to do for class, so I’ll put the facts up later…Nite!

Kiki<3

Music: Stop The World by: Demi Lovato

Mood: Happy and Entertained

SO today was just Funtastic! I don’t even know why, but today was very nice! I relaxed, webcammed with Lexy (and Ivana, technically) and then the three of us did a 3-way call, which was just… odd, but very much necessary!

Oh, then I went to the orthodontist (In a nice new cute outfit that my grandma bought) and it turns out, IT WAS MY LAST VISIT.EVER. Well, unless I need something, but I don’t ever NEED to go in again! I’m so freaking excited, but sad! I’ve been going there for years! It even sounds weird when I type it! Ok, now I’m just being a freak xD

So then I came home and relaxed, danced around my room to random music and planned a get-together with some friends! Oh! And right now I’m being a music-mixer! I’m burning CDs for my friends and I’m feeding their iPods =]

So guys, if you read this post, YOU MUST COMMENT >:] Bwahaha! I want to reach 200 comments!!! Soyeah, have a great night =) Jonas Brothers on Conan O’Brien right NOW!

Random Fact Of The Day: Bill Clinton is being called a hero for extracting 2 Korean journalists from North Korea.

Quote Of The Day: “I think I should put on a bra now” ~ Ivana x] (Oh, btw, Lexy gave me this one!! xD)

Word Of The Day: clunkers x]

Kiki<3

Music: None.. it would blow my cover!

Mood: Hyperrrrr! :3

Hey guys! So my parents kicked me off my computer SUPER early and they gave me no warning, so I wasn’t allowed to go on until we all went to our rooms at midnight exactly. Ugh. Talk about screwing up my schedule…Now I have to type up this blog (in secret… I’m not allowed to be on past midnight) , then go read more of my book, and be up before 7– technically, 10, but construction-prep starts at 7 next door (yay!) and since I’m a light sleeper, I wake up at the smallest noises. Most of the time I fake not waking up because I’m tired and a real menace in the morning if someone wakes me, so my mom has learned to make little noises to wake me up, to wake me up more gently. That also saves her a pillow to the face every morning. =]

Well that last paragraph got so off topic, I had to go back to the top to remember what my point was! So, we were all watching a movie (except my little brother… he went to bed around 10) until midnight. How we got the movie to end at midnight exactly, don’t ask. I didn’t plan it, but I bet my parents did. So since I got a bit hungry, I grabbed one of my mom’s Lipton Sparkling Strawberry-Kiwi Green Tea. Ok, first of all, it was practically the only thing to drink, and apparently it can make me very hyper–though there’s a long, running list of things that do that… bread, juice, cooking, music, vacation, a pretty sky, an overcast sky with cool weather, but not freezing (perfect outdoors writing weather!), etc. So we were watching Howl’s Moving Castle, which I have to say is one of my favorite movies of all time, since Miyazaki’s new movie Ponyo is coming out soon! Apparently since it’s a Disney movie, they decided to exploit their stars’ families and use Frankie Jonas and Noah Cyrus. I think it’s great that these kids are getting such an amazing oppurtunity, but I somehow got the feeling that they might have been picked mainly for their fame… though from what I’ve seen, they’re doing a fantastic job, and they are absolutely adorable kids!

Today was rather… relaxing, I have to say. I woke up, showered and checked my texts (2 from an impatient bunny… you, dork! And one random twitter alert from a certain Jonas brother: ” Watching Spongebob with Frankie!” How cute!) and then I ate some frozen waffles–they were frozen and then I toasted them… I didn’t eat them frozen! I never understood how to say it right without meaning something wrong and I’ll just shut up since I’m rambling– which I haven’t had for a couple years! They tasted just as great and bad for me as ever!

Then I lazed around and watched Teen Titans for a bout an hour of so, then I went online, and I went on Facebook. Apparently my Facebook on Safari went haywire and I can’t get most of the pictures to show up… So I tried re-loading my browsers and then they all stopped working well, so I had to just not use them for a while. Thankfully I had a Netflix movie downloaded, so I watched “I’m Reed Fish” until we all went swimming. The movie was insanely confusing and not all that great… I didn’t exactly get it… But maybe it was just me? 

Swimming was absolutely refreshing with the sweet cold, but not too cold water, and the scorching hot atmosphere, I really felt perfectly at ease! And our whole family seemed normal again, with all 5 of us in the pool, playing water basketball, volleyball, messing with our puppy, racing and lapping each other and just having a good time. I guess we all needed a break from all the bad that has happened lately to really enjoy something so simple, yet so amazing.

So besides that, nothing much really happened… One of my friends left for his vacation today, so hopefully he has a safe and fun time in China and Hong Kong! 

Random Fact Of The Day: The French have a high fat diet like Americans, yet they have a much lower risk of heart disease because they have red wine as a part of their daily lives. Green tea has the same effects, except stronger; It explains the great Japanese health.

Quote Of The Day: “I give up. I see no point in living if I can’t be beautiful.” ~Howl from Howl’s Moving Castle

Word Of The Day: oblong :3

Kiki<3